Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Stood Up. Brokenhearted. Again.

Forgiveness is typically my forte.

High-school boyfriends' dalliances? Forgiven.
My beloved great-grandmother's racism based in ignorance? Forgiven.
My father's secret life? Forgiven.

But's transpiration is testing the depth of my ability to readily rationalize. Since I can't speak it aloud (twin little pitchers have big ears), blog about it I shall.

On the next to the last day of school, Sarah and a classmate were to have a first-time playgroup. Perhaps it's because she and her brother have had so few -- much less individually -- she talked about it all night the night before. She talked about it excitedly all morning over breakfast. Her brother and I planned our Mommy-Son activities for after school while Sarah and Boy X were to have their special time.

Well, as it turns out, the next to the last day of school included a year-end presentation program...with parents invited, for song, dance, poetry and general merriment. Upon the production's conclusion, we looked everywhere for Boy X and/or his parent(s). No sign. We went home and left a message on Boy X's family's machine. Nothing. We waited and waited. Finally, our nuclear family went for a somewhat delayed after-program ice cream. The whole way there, while we were there, and the whole way back, Sarah (not unlike her mother's M.O.) was creating rationalizing scenarios by which the lack of communication and the break-down of the plan could be excused.

On the last day of school, after we returned home, we got a phone call from Boy X. Luckily, Sarah answered and she lit up like a summer firefly with twice the bounce. The phones were passed to the moms, and Mrs. X explained the confusion (which surely I agreed with, with the chaos characterizing the last days of school), and we made a plan to have the kids reconvene they were going to be out of town early this week.

Rerun the preceding week's build-up and enthusiasm, this time regaling the whole family with her "dream" from the night before Playdate-Eve, wherein she and Boy X and his Mom X all played superheroes together. Re-don the beloved pink dress. Pinch on those new clip-on earrings ("They're S's, Mom! For Sarah!) from the Dollar Store. Make the early morning base touch at 9:15. Uh oh. The machine again. (Adult cynicism already had me concerned.) 11:00am: Sarah insists they may not have gotten the message, and wants to call again. With the warning not to leave a message if the recording comes on, I allow it. Again at 11:30. 12. 12:30. You get the pathetic and heartwrenching picture.

Finally, at 3:30, feeling almost sinful for keeping my children housebound and TV watching on a stunningly gorgeous day, I left a second, upbeat sounding message (oh I can be an actress when the occasion merits...) saying we were going to head to the park, but to please -- please -- leave us a message.

Thought Sarah would burst into tears when she saw the big flashing "0" on our machine upon our return. Thought I might, too.

She and her brother plopped on the couches to watch "Shrek 3" on-demand, and I just went went to put a Hershey's kiss in her mouth. (Please don't condemn me for doing the "chocolate makes it all better" attempt.) What did she do? She pointed to Darren for me to give him one, too. Amidst her day's disappointment, at play, at the park's nature center, all day long, her brother's been by her side...intuitively "getting it." Maybe there's something to this twin telepathy thing after all....

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BoufMom9 said...

Oh Cheryl! My heart is just BREAKING for her! How awful!
I have had to deal with that with a few of my kids and it is such a hard lesson they learn at such a young age.
Poor girl!
I would NEVER condemn for giving her chocolate! Chocolate has been known to make me happy on more than a few occassions. ;)
Please check out my blog. We had a HUGE day today!

Goddess in Progress said...

Oh, so sad!! Poor Sarah.

Threeundertwo said...

Poor thing. She's so lucky to have her twin. Those pictures are so sweet.

Barbara Manatee said...

Poor Sarah. Hos sweet of her brother to be there for her and comfort her. Love that last photo of them!

Laura said...

What a great lesson for her to learn about the strength of family.Family can always be there for you through life's disppointment.

And I bet she, down the road, when tempted not to keep her word, won't do it. She will know the hurt it causes.

Still, the protective me would like to ask the other mother a question or two.

beth - total mom haircut said...

That's so sad. I have to say I really love the way he stepped in though. I hope you get a call soon...

Cheryl Lage said...

Seriously, thank you all for offering some support. Even after we did our notorious Wednesday night "I Wanna Go TO Friendly's" ritual dinner with great friends while Daddy was at band practice, after I got the kids down, I came downstairs and had a big ol' Mommy boo-hoo. Sometimes I wonder how well I'm cut out for this maternal gig. TOOOOO sensitive. At time of this posting, nearly the next day, still no word, nothing. Of course in my Pollyanna ever-hopeful mind, I am SO hoping that we just crossed lines, or that they had a flight cancel, or something...

And while I am the FIRST to declare Darren as perhaps the most considerate boy on God's green earth, shortly after that last picture was taken, he firmly grabbed his sister's head to direct it to what exactly in the aquarium he wanted her to see.

The moment caught has a future!
(Thanks again you guys. Think my kids are tougher than I am. And Laura, I have questions....oh, do I have questions!)

Kelsey said...

Oh how sad! This broke my hear! Good for her brother!

Terri O'Laughlin said...

Oh Sarah, I am so sorry! Her poor little heart! I am glad her brother was there in her time of need!!

Jenny said...

Oh, how sad. Being stood up is the worst, and I can't imagine watching my daughter go through it. She's only one, but it's so hard to see her in pain. Today she got bitten by some ants in the backyard and my husband and I felt horrible!

(I found your blog thru Adoptic, btw)

Amy said...

I know this is a litte late - (just saw your snippet on Adoptic) but I think my heart broke a little bit for your little girl. It's these type of things I wish I could protect my boys from forever.

Heather of the EO said...

ugh. your sweet girl! It's so hard to deal with this stuff as mothers, huh? I want to throw punches sometimes, and I'm the forgiving type too!

Hard work...but there is always chocolate :)

Robin said...

What is wrong with these people?!
I'd say they were raised in a barn yard....but I do believe that would be an insult to cows, chickens, pigs, sheep, etc.

Bless you mom (and brother too)!

When my children were small, I would always use the bad behavior of others to instill upon my own how not to be. I would have pointed out how the rude and insensitive behavior of the mother and her boy x were not acceptable...not the type of people we want to be or associate with.

Beth in NC said...

That is just so weird that the other mom would do that. Why get a child's hopes up? Sorry that happened.

Ah, alas -- I love chocolate!


Luci Gabel said...

Oh, my goodness. What a story! I can only imagine though the lessons she's learning about the strength of family, and that there will always be someone there regardless of how dorky outsiders can be. And they should remain outsiders, because they've not proven worthy of being part of the inner circle.

Hi from SITS!

The Lucky Wife said...

I was not cut out for these type of mothering moments.... they are the PITS.

(Hope you have a wonderful SITS day!)

Working Mommy said...

I love those pictures. Great things can come from adversity.


Michelle G said...

Yikes! Who are those people? How sweet though, at the end :)

Michelle G said...

Yikes, who are those people? How thoughtless...what a sweet ending though :)