Monday, August 25, 2008

Some Call It Yelling; I Call It Projecting

Scream-free parenting: Not an adherant, and if entirely truthful, not even an advocate.

Call me insensitive, call me reactionary, call health and human services, but I genuinely believe occasions occur wherein a little strategically applied vocal verve effectively sells it to the back of the house.

For those genuinely fearful for my sweeties' psyches, perhaps a bit of clarification is merited. If a napkin doesn't make it to a lap, my larynx isn't overworked. If the playroom is in utter disarray, I don't dole out the decibels. Hurting each other? I'm hollerin'.

In the 21st century, my fear is that as a parenting population, we tend to tippy-toe too tentatively, viewing our children's omnihappiness (yes, the "yelling" inhibits glee temporarily; but to my view, justly. Isn't that how correction/behavior-modification occurs? Don't those mice in the maze get an ever-so-slight buzz in order to learn the "right" path?) as more important than their ability to cope adequately in the inevitably non-coddling adult environment. Risking their long-term social acumen and fluency for the fleeting parental "self-satisfaction" of maintaining my cool (and their "friendship") by following the highly touted tot-raising trends du jour just seems far more insensitive than my currently employed, twin audience attention-getting, maternal method. I don't want my kids to enter adulthood emotionally ill-equipped -- having never confronted "enthusiastic" redirection.

For me: Loud = Love.


[Side benefit: Sarah and Darren are familiar with large, open mouths.]

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27 comments:

Tracy said...

I love that - "enthusiastic redirection." I'm going to have to remember that one...

Some funny pics on my blog today that I think you might appreciate if you have a sec. :)

Aimee said...

Amen! I have always said, "I yell because I care." It's like my mantra :)

Rachel AKA Pixie4199 said...

LMAO!!!!!

I finally posted my UN-spectacular qualities...it was fun! Thanks for the tag!!!

Rachel

Jenny said...

I'm glad you posted that, because I sometimes *project* as well and thought I was being a bad mother. Not usually for little things, but like if Suzi is doing something dangerous. I think there's a reason for our instinct to raise our voices. It stops a child in her tracks, which is what I want when Suzi is, for instance, about to slam the toy chest shut on her fingers, or dive off a piece of furniture onto the floor. I've tried the sugar-coated "Sweet-pea, you know we don't do that, so let's go do something else" business, but it doesn't get her attention.

MommyJ said...

I totally concur on the entire too many sugar coated parents that have children who run the show. You can be a parent without being mean... and a good one at that.

Hot Air said...

AAAAAAMEEENNN!! (Loud=Love your blog)

Unfortunately, my oldest doesn't ever seem to hear me unless I'm speaking rather loudly. And her ears work just fine. I think I've just raised the decibel level for responsiveness at our house... grr.

Gibson Twins said...

Great post- I so agree! I used to be so irrationally passive with the twins when they were babies because I knew/know that this is it for us and babies so I wanted to "do it right". Then they turned 15 months and started realizing just how much they could get away with. I absolutely will not stand for them hurting eachother, us, or the kitty. I feel like the bossy older sister when I yell at my duo, but sometimes I have to show them I'm still in control :)

Christine said...

Good way to look at it. :)

Nancy said...

Well said! ("projected" ? )

There are "off" days when I probably redirect enthusiastically a little too often, but for the most part I'd like to think that I do it when necessary...

I can't stand the generation coming up who can't do anything for themselves and thing they can do no wrong - because mommy and daddy did nothing to let them know that they are NOT always in the right. Oh don't get me started!!

Anyway - great post :)

the schirano triplets said...

enthusiastic redirection...what a fabulous term! i yell, because, well...sometimes you need to be loud to get your point across. and i agree with you...how well equipped will a child be for the adult world (or heck, for that matter even junior high) if they cannot respond to the vast range of emotions present in each of us?

Jenn H said...

Very well put! So true about not wanting your kids to not be able to handle it when entering adulthood. My sis was doing a paper on how some of the older workforce today is having to be trained to learn how to deal with the younger workforce because they are often incapable of taking the slightest criticism, how ridiculous is that??? That and so many kids finishing college and moving back home, UGH!!! I think its a form of child of abuse for parents to let their kids grow up in lala land with no consequences and so sheltered, how are they ever suppose to learn how to face difficulties which lets face it, difficulties will come! Sorry for the ramblin, just hit a nerve, lol!

Donna said...

Add me to the list of "Loud" moms! Although, part Italian Heritage and part Red-headed loud, no way around it, I am reactionary and LOUD.

My enthuziastic "ACK!" has even been known to instill fright in others - specifically my mother.....who I'm pretty sure invented Loud parenting! LOL!!

Bia said...

Honestly, Moms who whisper all. the. time. just get on my nerves.

And I say the same thing, too...I don't yell, I project my voice.

Plus, it's in my genes...projecting our voices is what Italians do.

BLESSINGS! (see, I'm projecting)

zellmer said...

I wholeheartedly agree. Your kids are adorable, and don't look scarred at all by your "projecting."

Threeundertwo said...

When I have 3 kids out of arm's reach, and something is just about to go really really wrong, you can bet I yell.

I love your commenters. I am not alone. And my kids are just fine, thank you.

I especially like the phrase "I yell because I care."

MereCat said...

You have to get their attention, you just do. I'm all for the well-placed bark.

Barbara Manatee said...

Well stated! I also love your term "enthusiastic redirection!" I think, if used sparingly and when justifiable, it can be extremely effective, too! As a teacher, I VERY rarely raise my voice...But gosh, even the slightest change in my tone or volume - I see results - and just that bit works - I still RARELY 'yell' - but they KNOW they better straighten up if my voice raises!

nikole said...

hmmm...food for thought. :-)

I wonder when my first enthusiastic redirection will occur.

beth - total mom haircut said...

I never really realized how loud I was until I became a mom. It's my strong suit, baby!

Kelsey said...

A big AMEN to that!

noble pig said...

Mommy's yelling because she cares is what is said over here. Some things must be told loudly.

Renata said...

I totally agree - I love living on a farm because now the neighbours don't hear me "project" my voice!! BTW I was standing outside Zai's classroom & his teacher was yelling at the class to get order - imagine how a child would feel who had never heard an adult project their voice before!!

Katie said...

Totally concur!!

The thing I'm struggling with right now..spanking. I was spanked just a few times as a child - at the worst offenses. My husband was spanked far more often, and his family is quite encouraging of the practice. I don't feel as accepting of it, and tend to agree with the "spanking encourages violent behavior" trend that I've read about a lot lately...but am I coddling them by refusing to do it?

Great post - it made me laugh!

CC said...

I agree with you 100%! I love the way you put a new spin on it! Loud=Love
keep up the great work! You are an inspiration!

Linda said...

Enthusiastic redirection...I love it!

Tracey said...

Yet another "redirector" happily joins the ranks! It stops him from running out into traffic and that is what matters.

Laura's Husband said...

"Call me insensitive, call me reactionary, call health and human services..."

Just another example of why I love your writing.